These blogs are not for the faint of heart.  They take you deep inside to places you may not want to face. With observation, reflection and maybe even some development throw in (which is the whole point!) you will see transformation.  Let’s get to this week’s topic:  Basic Fear and Desire.    

I can’t talk about the Basic Fear of each type without discussing the Desire of each one.  They go hand in hand as you will see.  But where do these Desires and Fears come from?  For that, we need to go back in time and revisit the Childhood Messages. These messages (remember, this isn’t time to blame your parents) form our desires and fears. As you read the Childhood Messages see if you can guess the Desires and Fears of each type.

Let’s take a look.  As you read, where do you see yourself?  Your family members?  Friends?

Type 1 (The Reformer):

Childhood Message:  I’ll receive the love, attention and affirmation I long for if I am a good boy or girl.

Underlying Childhood message:  It is not ok to make mistakes.

Desire:  To be good, to have integrity.  They strive to be right, good, correct, responsible, appropriate, accurate, virtuous, and ethical.

Basic Fear:  Being bad, imbalanced, defective or corrupt,   They fear being seen as unethical, immoral, or incorrect.

Type 2 (The Helper): 

Childhood message:  I’ll receive the love, attention and affirmation I long for if I help and serve others.

Underlying Childhood message:  It's not ok to have your own needs.

Desire:  To feel love.   They want to be seen as helpful and needed. They seek love, appreciation, and kindness.

Basic Fear:  Being unloved.   They fear being unloved, not needed, or unappreciated.

Type 3 (The Achiever):

Childhood message:  I’ll receive the love, attention and affirmation I long for if I impress others by achieving and accomplishing.

Underlying Childhood message:  It's not ok to have my own feelings and identity.

Desire:  To feel valuable.  They aim for success, admiration, respect, and praise.  

Basic Fear:  Being worthless.  They fear worthlessness, failure, and inefficiency.

Type 4 (The Individualist): 

Childhood message:  I’ll receive the love, attention and affirmation I long for if I become a unique person who stands out from the rest.

Underlying Childhood message:  It's not ok to be too functional or too happy.

Desire:  To be themselves.  They long for authenticity, uniqueness, and a sense of purpose in life.

Basic Fear:  Having no identity or significance.   They fear having no identity, being common, or flawed.

Type 5 (The Investigator):

Childhood message:  I’ll receive the love, attention and affirmation I long for if I am intelligent and intellectually prepared.

Underlying Childhood message:  It is not ok to be too comfortable in the world.

Desire:  To be capable and competent.  They value knowledge, competence, self-sufficiency, and being well-informed.  

Basic Fear:  Being helpless, incompetent or incapable.  They fear incompetence, ignorance, and invasion.

Type 6 (The Loyalist): 

Childhood message:  I’ll receive the love, attention, and affirmation I long for when I look to others to guide and support me.

Underlying Childhood message:  It’s not ok to trust myself.

Basic Desire:  To have support and guidance.  They seek safety, guidance, reliability, and protection.  

Basic Fear:  Being without support and guidance.  They fear abandonment, lack of guidance, and being alone.  

Type 7 (The Enthusiast):

Childhood message:  I will receive the love, attention and affirmation I long for when I find and bring happiness to myself and those around me. 

Underlying Childhood message: It is not ok to depend on anyone or anything.  

Desire: To be satisfied.  They crave happiness, freedom, and unrestrained experiences.  

Basic Fear:  Being trapped in pain and deprivation.  They fear missing out, boredom, and emotional discomfort.

Type 8 (The Challenger):

Childhood message: I’ll receive the love, attention and affirmation I long for when I demand it or learn to provide it for myself.  

Underlying Childhood message: it is not ok to be vulnerable or trust anyone.

Desire: To protect themselves.  They want to avoid vulnerability, manipulation, and weakness.  

Basic Fear:  Being harmed, controlled or violated.  They fear weakness, betrayal, and being manipulated.

Type 9 (The Peacemaker):

Childhood message:  I’ll receive the love, attention, and affirmation I long for when I keep quiet and go with the flow.

Underlying Childhood message:  It is not ok to assert myself.

Desire:  Peace of mind and wholeness.  They value tranquility, stability, and harmonious relationships with others

Basic Fear:  Loss, separation, and fragmentation.  They fear conflict, disconnection, and loss of harmony.

As we continue through the Spiral of Discovery, I hope you see the deeper inward we go, the closer to our True Selves we get.   You can’t get there without doing this kind of deeper work.  Owning our Fears and Desires as well as the the why behind them, is an important part of our growth work and the least we can do for this life we are living and those we love.